Rejection is often considered as a universally embarrassing topic to talk about.
In addition, the topic itself can give us chills to even think about embracing something called "rejection."
In this human world of dreams, expectations, hopes; when rejection strikes we find ourselves in two possible situations
We hide or,
We become vulnerable
We have all felt rejection in different transitions of our lives. I first felt rejected when I was 8 and it was because of my complexion and that has followed me all the way through my adult life. When we feel rejected in early stages of our lives, we start believing those thoughts as our reality in the way we look towards ourselves and how we think about ourselves. It waters the seed with hundreds of those micro situations, which nurture it to become a plant which carries all the complexities inside.
Rejection is not a linear process, it has many layers to uncover, one at a time. It's the origin of the story we tell ourselves. We could have felt rejection for a number of small or big reasons like: to be the part of a family where you are not loved or embraced in a way you want to be, when you have been cornered by your friends, when your boss fires you, when you have heart break, when you have been unseen, or unheard for a long time, when you have been the victim of bullying, harassment or abuse.
When we go through any of these situations in our lives it triggers fear, shame, grief inside us and in order to protect ourselves we start playing roles like:
We tend to become people-pleasers
We ache for perfectionism in everything we do
We become less trusting towards others
We tend to feel we don't deserve to be loved or cared for
...and the list goes on depending upon what circumstances we have gone through.
Rejection is hard to deal with, but it's possible when we centre it with consciousness.
Talk about it
Sit with it
Identify it. Shame has no power over us when we speak about it
...it make us ask ourselves this questions,
Who we truly are?
What am I seeking?
What do I desire?
What do I deserve?
...and it's called rediscovering ourselves.
It's the willingness to give yourself the permission to truly become who you are. It does take immense hardwork at a deep profound level to know yourself and to understand the roots of shame and grief coming through rejection. To not wrestle or be armoured with our fears, but to lean forward with compassion, vulnerability and courage; and in knowing that you deserve:
to be heard
to be cared for
to be loved
This helps us to detach ourselves from the roots and to understand that it's not our fault.
As Brene Brown says:
"If someone is unwilling or unable to love, that does not determine that you are not loveable."
Because to feel human connection at deeper levels we are required to be vulnerable and to count it as a sign of strength and not; weakness.
"If we want to live and love
with our whole hearts,
and if we want to engage with the world of worthiness,